I wanted to touch base with everyone. I know it’s a long message, but I feel it’s important to be clear and truthful to all. As many of you know, I’ve been talking about a move coming up. That move is now happening September 10th! These last couple of months have involved an insane amount of cleaning/throwing/donating things, or packing up any nonessential items. There is still a lot to handle before we move, and even once it’s done, it’ll be time to find an apartment and move out of my parents' new house. As a result, I will be putting SAND on hiatus from running large-scale events (Dry Top, bounties, etc.) for the next couple of months, maybe even a bit longer.
Moving forward I want to be honest. I feel tired, and find I don’t have the energy or zest for leading Dry Top as much as I once did. Much of that is tied to the fact that I have put SAND before my own needs since its inception, with results varying from mild to catastrophically damaging. Some side effects have been nightmares about failing a T6 and very late nights, others a little more serious, such as panic attacks before our scheduled events. I have run events when I was sick, when I was emotionally drained, and when actively experiencing an anxiety meltdown. With this move I’ll be living on my own for the first time. I won’t be directly responsible for my mom and her illness anymore, which means I’ll be getting a regular full-time job. I’m terrified, highly anxious, but also excited. I’m ready to embrace life a little more. I want to finish my degree, I want to travel. I want to read more books, play more games, and start writing as much as I used to when I was younger. I want to learn more.
During this hiatus, I want to work towards finding a balance for SAND that can still run events, but without me always showing up. At the beginning of SAND I was a shameless micromanager. I was afraid to let others run events, I was too rigid, and I was extremely against putting any real kinds of expectations on anyone - except for myself - when it came to leading or helping with our events. I count it as a huge achievement that SAND was able to forge ahead for 6 years with the hope that folks simply showed up to help when they could, and it worked for us. Six years is an incredible amount of time for any kind of community to continue with only a hope, and not an expectation.
I don’t know what the future holds for me right now, let alone our community. I do know that I love SAND dearly and I love the Dry Top community passionately. I want us to have a structure that allows for more people to shine and to lead and engage with the Dry Top community if they desire it. I want our guild to evolve to make as many SANDies as possible happy and comfortable. I’m hoping to use this hiatus, however long it may last, to speak to leadership, speak to all of you, and see what thoughts and ideas we can put forth and potentially implement.
Thank you so much for reading this, and for being here throughout SAND’s life. SAND brought clarity to what kind of degree I wanted to work towards and what kind of career and jobs I wanted to pursue when I was completely rudderless. I don’t want this to feel bittersweet that my work with SAND has inevitably led to me wanting to take a few steps down, but rather as a chance for others to dazzle while I actively look for stability and happiness in life with a bit more of a spring in my step. This isn’t the end of SAND or our events, just a turning point. We’ll decide what this next chapter in SAND’s journey looks like, together. 💛 🌙